Illness is sent to test you

We had our first battle with a bug. It was traumatic but we came out the other end only mildly scathed.

Nothing prepares you for a stomach bug, or any bug for that matter, and with a 5 month old the panic button comes into play (so does google)

The day starts like any other, you are unsuspecting, the first half of the morning bottle is consumed and everything goes on as normal, until BAM vomit, and not just your normal hiccup burp of vomit that you are used to, oh no, this is the kind of vomit that enters crevices you didn’t know existed, the kind that has a smell that stings your nose and makes your eyes water. And for this lucky mama, the kind that attempts to soak through not only your clothes but your skin as well. Okay that’s a bit dramatic, but you get my point.

As parents, we had never experienced this level of throw up before, some would call us lucky, I’d call us inexperienced and lacking in the knowledge to deal with it. It fucked up us!

We brush it off, we change our clothes and we carry on with breakfast, because little did we know, the day would get worse. Now we were new to weaning, maybe our first or second day, we’d heard the stories about how it changes the poo, so the shitmaggedons (and I’m talking leave the nappy, and cover the carpet and couch kinda shits) that graced up with their presence throughout the day, we naively thought were normal. Nope.

After more vomit and more poo than any human should be able to produce especially one so small, a call to 111 was made.

At this point, the tiny tot had drank about 8oz of milk in total, and point blank refused any food or water, and with nappies dryer than the fucking Sahara an ambulance was called. Of all the firsts I had hoped to experience as a new mum, that wasn’t fucking one of them.

Finally at the hospital, I have a very grouchy baby and the nurse gives me what can only be described as a baby commode and a syringe. So there I am, 10oclock at night, feeding my crying infant 2ml of milk every 5 minutes with one hand, and holding this baby commode under her naked ass trying to catch whatever pee leaves her body, praying it doesn’t miss and hit my leg.

After some time, and a conversation with a doctor we are allowed home with strict instructions that if her nappy is not wet by morning, we must return. Miss baby has a stomach bug and until she gets her appetite back, we have to feed her with this syringe gradually increasing the amount as time goes on. I mean it’s a good thing I don’t leave the house much..

Thankfully, the wet nappies increased, the conversations about what her poo looked like slowed and things went back to normal…

There is one perk they don’t tell you about though, which I feel might be slightly intentional, and that lovely perk is…

Your kid gets sick..you get sick.