Period.

Yes, I mean exactly what the title says. Periods. Or as we affectionately call it in our house “shark week”.

Before getting pregnant, I was on the implant from the age of 17, and not once did I have a proper period. They, just didnt happen, didnt exist, and it was the best time of my life. I got the occasional day or 2 of some pain, maybe once ever six months I’d have a day of half assed just reminding you im here period, but that was it.

I never had to spend money on pads, never spent the day wrapped in a blanket eating chocolate with a hot water bottle trying not to cry from pain…you know, the standard cliche.

Then I got pregnant, so of course no period, but the implant had been removed and in those 9 months I was counting down the days until P Day…It was coming, it was happening.

Then I gave birth, so I had the “after birth what the fuck is happening to my vagina and body” period. 20 days after giving birth, I went to the local clinic and got my implant put back in because was I fuck having another baby yet, that was a whole load of FUCK THAT.

So there I was hoping I would go back to the post baby periods I was experiencing. I was so fucking wrong. My body has been ruined.

Then began what I can only describe my year of hell..it may be dramatic but that’s what it feels like.

The period I have now is some irregular shit show of unepected magnitude. There is no same day every month, there is no only on for a few days or a week. No. There is no logic to what my body is experiencing. Sometimes I am on for a day with a month or 2 break in between,  sometimes im on for a month with a few days off then BOOM surprise period.

Its a nightmare, there is no warning, it just happens, and I get it all, the pain, the never ending waterfall of blood. Its gotten to a point where I have just accepted that all my underwear are period panties”.

I have been to the doctors about it, about how I cant track them, how they can last for weeks etc, and they just gave me some horse size fucking tablets that should in theory stop the bleeding after a couple days. Other than that, its shit, just super fucking shit.

It’s gotten to the point where I am of course used to it now, and I have just accepted my fate, hoping that with the next implant change in a couple of years will sort things out. Fingers crossed and all that. So until then I just have to grin a bare it, and hope I am not too much of a crank…

I just feel sorry for my boyfriend..